Baby animals are how we convince ourselves nature isn’t as pissed off at us as it should be.
The funniest people I know laugh more than they talk.
Bananas should always come with a “spoiler alert”.
“No, thank you.” is always preferable to, “No, I shouldn’t, I’m on a diet.” or “No, it’s too fattening!” or “No, gotta watch my hips.” or anything else that isn’t simple appreciation.
You should spend more time planning the life that happens after your wedding.
Cynicism is a piss-poor excuse for not listening.
Hopelessness is just like insomnia: the longer it stays with you, the tougher it gets to believe you’ll shake it.
Learning to cook is a form of thankfulness.
Learning to clean is a form of self-defense.
Whenever I want to listen to a song over and over, I’m self-medicating.
Granola is the sneakiest cookie of all.
It’s good to stand in front of the ocean or the mountains or a canyon and think, "Well, that's bigger than my ass."
The quickest path to irrational anger is a lost sneeze.
People who tell you to eat a piece of fruit instead of drinking juice have never tried to suck a pineapple through a straw.
Tipping is the most important moment on a first date.