10 inconsequential ways to drive me nuts, and 10 (consequential, because happy!) ways to make me happy.
- Respond to half of a question without acknowledging that's the only half you have the answer to. Otherwise, I'm left wondering if you ignored it, if you didn't get it, or you didn't bother reading the rest once half the answer arrived in your head.
- Refuse to mute your phone when you're on a conference call as you walk around in a windy parking lot, order coffee, tell your dog to sit, put things in the microwave... well, you get the point.
- Take longer than five minutes (in the absence of any sort of disability or injury) to "doctor" your cup of coffee in a coffee shop. The 15 granules of brown sugar vs. white sugar vs. raw sugar vs. the hybrid of skim milk and cream are very important, I know... but it's like watching a sloth do the Macarena. For an hour.
- Share random posts from truly random pages on Facebook because you like one of the points made, and refuse to acknowledge anything else about it. "What?! Don't you think love is all you need? No, I didn't notice they also said you should punt baby bunnies. That wasn't the point for me. What do you mean it's a nazi page?"
- Stop suddenly in the middle of a sidewalk/hallway/room with people walking behind you... unless you've discovered an invisible wall of fire, in which case, GO AROUND IT.
- Be the person who always has to a) make the cryptic, not-quite-funny, dispassionate comment about everything, all the time; and b) can't figure out why that's so annoying.
- Tell me in the comments to a blog post that I have a typo in said blog post. "What, you don't care about accuracy?" Yes. Of course I do. Come over here so I can give you a super accurate wedgie.
- Honk after .25 seconds when the light turns green. Again, accurate wedgie incoming.
- "I didn't read the other comments/emails/posts/tracked changes/additions, but..."
- Somehow combine white chocolate, diet soda, chipotle, and a spinach tortilla into something I have to eat.
- Google first.
- Say, "thank you!" when someone compliments you (as long as it's in a healthy, positive, non-creepy way. You don't have to thank a construction worker for observing the results of your Pilates practice.)
- Resist, "Must be nice..." in favor of, "I'm so excited for you!"
- Hug me with conviction (though not a hug that leads to a conviction.)
- Surprise me with fries. I don't know how often that could/should happen, but the one time it did, I was over the moon!
- Speak kindly about the people you love, even when they're not around.
- Start laughing at your own joke before you finish telling it. It's one of my favorite things.
- Dance like everyone is watching, and you are the bomb.
- Confess when you learned a wildly valuable skill from a YouTube video (so I can learn it, too.)
- Cry at dumb-yet-emotionally-satisfying commercials with me.